Archive for the ‘Confidence’ Category

3
Jan

Be confident – Believe it and you can achieve it!

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I was recently asked if I had always been confident. I had to admit, that I wasn’t always confident and still don’t always feel confident.  I would often wear my insecurities on my sleeve. And as a result I would sometimes be taken advantage of or not achieve a particular goal. I’d worry what other people thought of me and was greatly influenced by external factors.

I have tried to remember if I had an epiphany or heard a great motivational speech that had made a difference to my level of confidence – I couldn’t.   I realized ultimately it was about decision and what I chose to believe. I had to decide who I wanted to be and how I wanted to be for my success, achievement of my goals and to live a fulfilling life.

A recent quote by Carrie Wilkerson, strengthened my view on this.

“… Until you change your mind about who you are and whom you chose to impact and what you want to be and what you want to do, until you change your mind about it, you cannot achieve it. Until you believe it, you cannot achieve it.”

Confidence is crucial to a happy and fulfilled life.

Confidence influences all areas of your life and a healthy self-image and belief in yourself is the greatest asset you can have.

People who lack confidence and self-belief always underachieve.  They are less willing to try something new, less likely to be realise their potential and to be their best self.  They tend to be prone to stress, anxiety problems and low self-esteem is a causative factor in mental health and family breakdowns.

It doesn’t matter at what point you are starting from. What matters is that it is never too late to be the confident person you want to be – you can decide and learn to be more confident today.  Otherwise, consider the alternative.  Professor Maslow stated,

” If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.  You’ll be evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities.”

You have the power to become more confident in your life, career and business – but begin with making a decision and believing you have the power to achieve and be successful.

Choose confidence.

KAMAKA Action Tip

Here’s an exercise to help you get you focused on being the best that you can be:

Consider your skills, experience and expertise and record three “I AM’ statements, reflecting positive attributes, your skills, gifts and how you want to be known.  Compliment yourself. Remind yourself of who you are and not what you think others think about you.
3 »I AM Statements:

I AM _____________________________________________

I AM _____________________________________________

I AM _____________________________________________

“What you think, so you will become.” — Napoleon Hill

6
May

Presence: Have you got it?

HowtoPersuadeOthersUsingCharisma-main_Full

You get attention from the people around you without apparently trying.
Others respond with enthusiasm and passion.
Your views are often quoted.
People want to know what you think.
You are talked about though always with respect…

What have you got? …

Presence

I’m sure we can all name people with a certain presence and charisma whether they create a positive impact on people or not. Ghandi, Beyonce, Tony Blair (like it or not), Michelle Obama, Simon Cowell, Jose Marinhio (for the football followers) or Mr Tumble (for those of you with pre-schoolers) to name but a few.

Presence and is a connection that creates a strong powerful influence.  It’s an essential element of management and leadership for both men and women but needs to be authentic at the core. It cannot be faked, but it can be enhanced and developed. So how do you develop as a leader with presence and come out of the shadows. I’ve collated a series of tips, questions and actions to help you on your way to an authentic presence.

Tip 1: Dare to dream

Leaders with presence and charisma are individuals with a sense of purpose.  A purpose that drives them and is beyond their own gain. This purpose gives you focus and is the the one overarching goal you have at any one time, that will have the greatest impact enabling you to achieve more of your other goals.

Ask yourself this question and take action.

Question: What one thing would you dare to dream if you knew you could not fail?

This question helps you consider your why? And helps you to determine and connect to a higher purpose.

Action: Determine and write down your major definite purpose.  Your most important goal.  It needs to be clear, something you actually want, believable, achievable and congruent with your values, beliefs and your other goals can be aligned to it.

Do something every day that moves you at least one step towards your most important and definite goal.

“I am here for a purpose, and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand.  Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all, and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.” – Og Mandino

26
Apr

People who lack confidence always underachieve

Stand out and be noticed

Confidence influences all areas of your life and a  healthy self-image and  belief in yourself is the greatest asset you can have.  People who lack confidence and self-belief always underachieve.  They are less willing to try something new, less likely to be realise their potential and to be their best self.  Sound familiar?

I believe confidence is crucial to a happy and fulfilled life.

Professor Abraham Maslow said,
” If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.  You’ll be evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities.”

Strong stuff, but you can become more confident and be the person who fulfills their potential.   It doesn’t matter at what point you are starting from. What matters is that it is never too late to be the confident person you want to be.

Consider two numbers.

The first, how confident are you?  Rate yourself out of ten where ten means that you can achieve absolutely anything, no barriers, no obstacles. And zero means , you simply cannot see yourself getting very far and you feel incapable. Reflect on the ‘number’ you have given yourself.

Now consider, what you could achieve and how you would feel if you were more confident?  - this is your second number – how high would you like you confidence to be?

You now have your two numbers, your ‘confidence scale’ for this time in your life. So how how are you going to get from your first number, where you are now, to where you want to be fulfilling your potential, your second number?

Here are 3 actions that work and will move you towards greater confidence.

  1. Remind yourself: Think of the last time you achieved something you were proud of.  Now list all the qualities and strengths you demonstrated.  Remind yourself, you are capable of far more than you think.
  2. Create a Confidence Journal – Use this journal to remind yourself of positive truths, affirmations and compliments about you.  Record inspiring ideas, thoughts and confidence boosters quotes.
  3. Set the goal. What would you dare to dream if you had total confidence and knew you could not fail?   Make a list of ten goals you’d like achieve over the next few months.  Choose the one that would have the greatest impact on your life and truly reflect your increased confidence?  How will you know you have achieved this goal?  Now write down the goal so it is specific. Make it clear and measurable with a timescale.

Goals in writing are dreams with deadlines. - Brian Tracy

So now its up to you.  You have the power to become more confident.

Add this affirmation to your confidence journal, “ I am responsible – its up to me, I am responsible for everything I do and I choose to be confident.”

For more tips please see my blog post ‘ Women and the confidence thing – Part 3: Building your Confidence’

8
Feb

Women and the confidence thing – Part 3: Building your Confidence

blog-2There is sufficient reason to believe that many women doubt themselves and can be hard on themselves particularly in male dominated industries.
Self doubt, the lack self-confidence, and ‘impostor’ feelings undermine the potential to succeed and to become an influential leader with presence.

“When a man cuts himself, he throws away the razor.  When a woman cuts herself, she blames herself.” – Gail Koff (Smith D. (2000) Women at work: Leadership for the next century. Prentice Hall)

The good news is that lack of self-confidence does not however, equate to lack in leadership skills and potential and through support, coaching and a shift in thinking, confidence can be developed and acquired as with any other leadership competence area.  This one issue should not prevent women from achieving their leadership success.

Here are 10 coaching tips… towards a more confident you.  Choose one or two to begin working on, then come back for more:

  1. Remind yourself of when you achieved something who were really quite proud of.  Can you remember how that felt, what you were doing, who spoke with you and what you were thinking about yourself. Consider the skills you demonstrated, the resources you found within yourself – now list them.  But list them with as a phrase beginning with ‘I am’…for example, you won a big contract, and found your were excellent at negotiations.  Record this skills as “ I am influential.”  And so forth.  whatever you think you can do, you are probably right! (Henry Ford)
  2. Visualisation: Imagine the confident you – create firstly a mental picture and then short film of yourself as the confidence individual, business leader you perhaps have doubted.  Are you the charismatic, elegant business women who is an expert in her field – visual yourself giving a presentation or making that important telephone call.  How do you feel, what are your thinking? How do you look? Do you ‘own’ the room as you enter? What behaviours and characteristics are you demonstrating to warrant you success?
  3. Spend time with approachable, pleasant, charming confident people- it rubs off.
  4. Carry yourself with confidence – stand stall, be aware of your posture and walk with your weight firm in each step
  5. When meeting someone for the first time, offer the handshake first and  use your full name.  Be authentic, you may feel you want to demonstrate warmth at the meeting – place you hand on top of their right hand briefly as it shakes yours.  Create a rapport.
  6. Keep a journal of your achievements, and your successes, testimonials, thank you notes.  Read and review particular when you find yourself doubting yourself.
  7. When you are played a compliment – respond with eye contact and a ‘thank you’ – Avoid downplaying what you have achieved,or your efforts.
  8. Tell yourself you are confident – and say like you mean it.  Remember, ” I like myself, I like myself.”  Now add other powerful affirmations: “I am confident and I am loving it”
  9. Avoid using qualifiers or using inflections at the end of sentences.  It will appear that you doubt yourself and others will also doubt what you say.
  10. Talk back to your fearful voice in your head.  Create a new more empowered message.  You are not powerless, give yourself permission to be you, powerful and confident.

“If you hear a voice within in you say “you cannot paint”,then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent Van Googh

7
Feb

Women and the Confidence thing 2: Fearless and Fabulous

Continuing this series on confidence KAMAKA is hosting our first seminar of 2011 – Fearless and Fabulous.

So here’s your invitation:
Dear brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous business woman

Have I got it wrong?  Is this not exactly how you describe yourself all the time? Well  if not you are if you are like many female business owners or aspiring business owner, where the lack of self – confidence is hampering their success or continued success.

How many of the followup statements resonate with you?

  • I can’t do public speaking – what elevator pitch?
  • I’m nervous around new people, particular when I have to enter a networking event
  • I’ll never get that contract
  • I’m not good enough
  • I need more contacts
  • Who is going to buy my service anyway, there are far more experienced people out there?
  • I don’t know what to say at networking events? No point going?
  • What elevator pitch?
  • I can’t pull a presentation out of the hat
  • I’m just faking it
  • I was just lucky getting that referral
  • I don’t want to appear pushy
  • You feel uncomfortable or perhaps slightly shocked when asked for your business card

Any of this thinking sound familiar to you?
Instead do you want build your confidence and be the fearless, fabulous business leader you are?
Join us

‘Fearless and Fabulous’ for Women Business Owners

Thursday 10 February 2011 
9.30 – 12.30

Developing Authentic Presence, Profile and Impact

‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

Book now.

Limited places. 
http://fearlessandfabulous-linkedin.eventbrite.com/

7
Feb

Women and the Confidence thing – Part 1

Presence and confidence are essential aspects of leadership for both men and women.  Leaders who have established credibility are confident, self-aware and able to influence and inspire with an elegance and charisma.  Confidence is an essential success factor for leaders.  Despite this amongst women – confidence or lack of it is an issue.  So what is this self-confidence thing for women? Is is a universal issue?  How does it manifest itself and how does it impact success and advancement?
In fact, if you look below the surface of even the most successful women you will see self-doubt,  uncertainty and more often than not a lack of self-confidence.


We can all name individuals who we consider to be confident, someone who seems to ooze charm and charisma. We may think – ‘they are so lucky, to be born with such confidence.’  We are impressed by their daring and sassiness and ability to just get out there.  We are impressed by what by how they always make a good impression, by what others say about them  and how they never seem to be fazed.

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For example, President Obama said of his wife…


“Most people who meet my wife quickly conclude that she is remarkable. They are right about this. She is smart, funny and thoroughly charming. Often, after hearing her speak at some function or working with her on a project, people will approach me and say something to the effect of, you know, I think the world of you, Barack, but your wife, wow!”


It is interesting then to read that Michelle Obama although seemly confident and somewhat fearless and fabulous…hasn’t and doesn’t always feel that way.  In her description of the first female Hispanic Supreme Court judge she stated…


…despite all her [Judge Sotomayor] success at Princeton, [she then] went on to Yale Law School where she was at the top of her class in both schools—and despite all of her professional accomplishments, Judge Sotomayor says she still looks over her shoulder and wonders if she measures up. And when I read her story, I understood exactly how she feels.

Surprising.  You may have thought Michelle Obama was one of the lucky women born with ‘confidence gene’  – not so it seems.   She is not the first woman to feel as though she is an ‘impostor’ or ‘is this for real?’  Even the most successful and high achieving women are prone to high levels of self-doubt. Many women have the belief that they were “fooling” other people, “faking it” or getting by from having the right contacts, being in the right place at the right time or just being “lucky.” Many hold a belief they would be exposed as frauds and are waiting for that tap on the shoulder.   For many women this self-doubt and lack of confidence prevents from them being who they want to be.  As a result may feel inauthentic, inferior or not able to ‘own’ their success and achievements.  Sometimes, I find I have to quote Eleanor Roosevelt, to myself.


“No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Self-confidence needs to based on authenticity.   True confidence enables us to express who we really are.  So how about you? How confident are you?  Would you describe yourself as a confident leader? A confident business owner? Are you as confident as you’d like to be?

Rate your self-confidence right now on scale of 1 – 10 on each of the following statements:


  • I am happy to talk to strangers if they talk to me first. __
  • I find it easy to start a conversation with strangers. __
  • When I speak, I am considered  intelligent and articulate. __
  • I am told I am professional and have a reputation for being credible. __
  • I enjoy public speaking. __
  • I enjoy opportunities to meet new people. __
  • I am happy to voice my opinions and thoughts in meetings. __
  • I make friends easily. __
  • I don’t worry what people think of me. __
  • I am known for being assertive. __

These characteristics are critical for success for both men and women, but are often development areas for women.  If you’ve scored 10/10 for each area you could probably write your own book on self confidence.  On the other hand, you may recognize those areas as requiring development if you are to achieve you business and career goals.
Here’s one tip to get you started on building your confidence:

Remind yourself that you like you by repeating the mantra: “I like myself, I like myself, I like myself…” Go on try it.


Parts 2 & 3 of ‘Women and the confidence thing’ gives you more coaching tips for you to become the confident you.

19
Jan

Will the Women Please Stand Up

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Last week the French Government approved quotas for Boardroom positions for women in response to the low representation of women.  Quotas have raised debate and have been a controversial issue for sometime, but could we see such a policy in the UK. The percentage of women in the Boardroom of the top 100 FTSE companies is less than that in France at a mere 12.3%.  This slow progress of women’s advancement is in despite of the huge number of talented, ambitions and highly qualified women that have flood the workplace.   I suggest the issue of such low number of women in senior roles is not about the talent per se.  Half the best talent in the world is female!  So what are those factors that have become barriers for women advancing in career, business and leadership.  Here are a few.

  • Women still face complex and powerful stereotypes in the business world and male-dominated industries
  • Pay inequalities between genders
  • The challenge of getting and retaining female talent
  • Work-life Balance
  • Women have the lion’s share of childcare responsibilities
  • The lack of ‘quality’ mentors
  • Women are not as well ‘networked’ as men.
  • There is a lack of gender balanced leadership

But one issue not always discussed is how women view leadership and power? How well do we as women embrace leadership roles? In comparison to men women tend to be self-depreciating of their successes and achievements. Women can tend to be ‘nice’ rather than ‘political’ in the work place.  How many times have you heard yourself or women say – “I’m not getting involved in the politics here?’ Women tend to wait to be asked for that promotion or new position and would rather not to highlight their achievements for fear of being too arrogant or labeled.  Is our childhood construct is to blame? Or lack of confidence, fear or acceptance of this is just the way it is. Whatever the reason, can we not choose otherwise?

There is an accelerated shift in understanding of impact and influence women are having and will have in the 21st century- there will be economic, social and political consequences beyond our expectations. This time last last year The Economist reported

‘Women’s Economic empowerment is arguably the biggest social change of our times.‘ (January 2010)

Consider the words of Iyanla Vanzant back in 1996 – do her words resonate as we move into 2011?

“There is something phenomenal going on!
I’m not quite sure what it is, and quite frankly. I don’t care! I simply know, whatever it is, it will be great!
It has to do with change, healing, growth and evolution.
And
It has to do with women.
If I were pressed, I would put it into words like this:
There are changes taking place in the hearts and minds of women
That are going to rock the world!
Women are changing their minds about who they are: and what their role will be in the world order.
Women are learning to be responsible for the healing of their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual selves.
Women are learning to love themselves and each other.
Most of all women are evolving to the point where they are no longer willing to accept ‘nonsense’ from themselves or from anyone else.
I love it!
Will the women please stand up!”


4
Jun

Charisma – part of your leadership presence

picresized_1276897691_eloquent-eyes-18Charisma – have you got it?  Do you recognise it when you see it? Who do you think of when considering charismatic people?  Dalai Lama? Tony Blair? John F. Kennedy? Margaret Thatcher? Mother Theresa? Fabio Capello

Barak Obama said of his wife,

Most people who meet my wife quickly conclude that she is remarkable. They are right about this. She is smart, funny and thoroughly charming. Often, after hearing her speak at some function or working with her on a project, people will approach me and say something to the effect of, you know, I think the world of you, Barack, but your wife, wow!

Charisma is a powerful and effective quality.  So what is charisma and can it be learnt? Do you become more charismatic with confidence?

Charisma can be defined as ‘compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others’. It can be daunting to imagine yourself as a charismatic leader if you don’t feel it comes naturally to you.  However, although there are no quick fixes to becoming more charismatic, charisma is a learnable set of skills which can be built and which, when embodied, will become a highly desirable attribute contributing to your success and leadership presence.

Research and a number of studies conducted have shown conclusively that charismatic leaders are more successful.  They appreciate the impact that charisma can have on their effectiveness and work to develop it as part of their leadership presence.  Charismatic leaders attract more publicity and more attention from outside groups as well as exerting strong connections within within their organisation.

Here are some suggestions to help you develop your charisma and leadership presence

Connection to a higher purpose: Charismatic individuals seem to have a greater sense of purpose beyond their own gain. Be purpose focused and get in touch with the bigger vision that drives you and remind yourself of this daily.

Authenticity and Uniqueness: It’s great to be you, so give yourself permission to be true to you demonstrating your passion – it is attractive

Communicate and hone your presence: Communication is both holistic and cognitive – you need to think about your presence in terms of specific communication. Clarify your messages to make them clear and coherent. Only 7% of our communication is through words, thus how we ‘present’ ourselves, the tonality of our voice, image and body language is key to communicating who we are. Your communication and the image you present create the first impression in any situation. In conversation consider so much about leadership isn’t about you but that other person.

Self- awareness – ‘know thyself’: Emotional intelligence is a crucial part of charisma. Awareness of emotions and the ability to manage moods are key skills for charismatic individuals, as is empathy for others. Learn to connect with your own feelings and listen to others.

Health, energy and appearance: Key to charisma is health. Charismatic people need not have perfect smiles or gym bodies, but they do have a vitality and abundance of life. They also nearly always manage their appearance well. So value your health – this includes good sleep, water, exercise, recreation and diet.

The role of the body: Charisma is an embodied quality. It is apparent from the moment an individual walks into a room. Charismatic people ‘own the room’ and they convey charisma by their posture and movement.  Manage your posture and practice carrying yourself with confidence and dignity – standing tall, carrying your weight firmly in each step and ‘owning the room’.  Observe how charismatic role models carry themselves.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, which frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? (Marianne Williamson)