3
Jan

What others think of you is none of your business!

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In the various meetings, seminars, workshops and networking scenarios I have led or been part of, one issue that constantly comes up is that affects confidence – that of comparing ourselves to others.  We all do it. We compare ourselves and then tend to undervalue our skills, expertise, life experience and gifts.  Clients have explained they are too embarrassed to raise their fees.  For example, ‘why would anyone want to pay little ‘ol me, I’ve only been in business for 18 months’… Says the woman with 20 years experience as an accountant in the corporate world!

We all compare ourselves to others around us, thinking others know more or are more skilled.  My pre-school son, would use his own word – “good-er”.  Others are not necessarily “good-er” than you. Comparison has an unhealthy impact on confidence and consequently on what we want to achieve in business or our life goals. Instead, I urge you to focus on being the best you can be.  You are excellent in your own right.  You are talented, gifted and uniquely skilled.  Only you can be you.

‘We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?’

Marianne Williamson

Decide and make up your mind to be an excellent speaker, make your mind to be the confident strategic consultant people seek, make your mind to be a great business person with something to offer a large audience. Whatever it is, be confident, be you and quit comparing yourself to others. Believing in yourself is a choice.  Your confidence is your responsibility.  Choose to believe you can do anything you set your mind to and act as if it is possible. Believe in yourself because other may not.

If having others believe in us and our dreams was a requirement for success – would we achieve it?  Probably not.  Base your decisions on what you want and on your goals and desires – not the opinions and judgments of well meaning friends, parents, partner and colleagues.

Follow your dream.  Let go of worrying about what others are thinking or not thinking about you, ‘have a word” with yourself and get on with being your very best.

You will be better spending your time, energy, creativity on your goals and ideas than worrying about what other people think about you.

What others think about you is none of your business!

3
Jan

Be confident – Believe it and you can achieve it!

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I was recently asked if I had always been confident. I had to admit, that I wasn’t always confident and still don’t always feel confident.  I would often wear my insecurities on my sleeve. And as a result I would sometimes be taken advantage of or not achieve a particular goal. I’d worry what other people thought of me and was greatly influenced by external factors.

I have tried to remember if I had an epiphany or heard a great motivational speech that had made a difference to my level of confidence – I couldn’t.   I realized ultimately it was about decision and what I chose to believe. I had to decide who I wanted to be and how I wanted to be for my success, achievement of my goals and to live a fulfilling life.

A recent quote by Carrie Wilkerson, strengthened my view on this.

“… Until you change your mind about who you are and whom you chose to impact and what you want to be and what you want to do, until you change your mind about it, you cannot achieve it. Until you believe it, you cannot achieve it.”

Confidence is crucial to a happy and fulfilled life.

Confidence influences all areas of your life and a healthy self-image and belief in yourself is the greatest asset you can have.

People who lack confidence and self-belief always underachieve.  They are less willing to try something new, less likely to be realise their potential and to be their best self.  They tend to be prone to stress, anxiety problems and low self-esteem is a causative factor in mental health and family breakdowns.

It doesn’t matter at what point you are starting from. What matters is that it is never too late to be the confident person you want to be – you can decide and learn to be more confident today.  Otherwise, consider the alternative.  Professor Maslow stated,

” If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.  You’ll be evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities.”

You have the power to become more confident in your life, career and business – but begin with making a decision and believing you have the power to achieve and be successful.

Choose confidence.

KAMAKA Action Tip

Here’s an exercise to help you get you focused on being the best that you can be:

Consider your skills, experience and expertise and record three “I AM’ statements, reflecting positive attributes, your skills, gifts and how you want to be known.  Compliment yourself. Remind yourself of who you are and not what you think others think about you.
3 »I AM Statements:

I AM _____________________________________________

I AM _____________________________________________

I AM _____________________________________________

“What you think, so you will become.” — Napoleon Hill

2
Jan

It’s What Successful People Do…

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If you limit your choices only to what
seems possible or reasonable,
you disconnect yourself from what
you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise

(Robert Fritz)

As we begin another New Year, like many others you may be reflecting on 2011 and how successful a year it was?

Did you achieve the goals you set for yourself?  Was it a year with many challenges and frustrations?

Whatever, 2011 had for you, it’s now the time of year many of us look forward to the future…creating new plans and setting goals.

But, one essential factor we often miss is the mindset we have and take into the New Year…

“ Oh well let’s see how this year goes, can’t be worse than last year”.
“Let’s just go with the flow and see what life brings us…”
“There is nothing we can do, we are after all in a recession…”
“It’ll be another 10 years before I’m out of debt”
“I’ll not be getting my promotion this year.”

Well, that’s one approach.  But a negative one.  It’s easy to complain.  In fact, its almost a given in our society to complain and be happy with being discontented.  Are you really comfortable with being discontented?  Are you OK with not quite reaching your goals?

So how do you achieve the success you want?  How to you achieve great things in your business?  Until you want change enough and are desperate enough – you will remain comfortable in your discontent.  Change requires decision – a change in mindset.  Make up your mind to achieve your goals and be successful. First and foremost, you have to choose and believe you have the power to do it.  That’s mindset.

Read the rest of this entry »

18
Nov

Business Start Up Show November 2011

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Today was an exciting day, as I had a stand at The Business Start Up Show for the first time and ‘Into Blossom,’ a new business coaching programme for women was launched. The marketing and promotion was by the wonderfully creative, Barbara of Factor E Studio. More news on ‘Into Blossom’ to come.

I decided that I would see 2011 out with massive action.  As the show got underway, you would have see me and the team in the midst of a crowd of women eager to get going in business or wanting to go to the next level.  There was a real buzz.

What about you? Are you going to take massive action before 2011 comes to an end?

If you haven’t had an opportunity to come along to the show, come join us on Friday.  We’re at stand 138, next to the  ‘Inspiring Women’ seminar Hall.

Here are 5 reason for your to visit us:

  1. The launch of the “Into Blossom”: An innovative business coaching programme for women in business.
  2. 10 minute Speed Coach Session
  3. Post your vision on our vision board:  We’ll be share them on twitter #whatwomeninbusinesswant
  4. Mini Business Health check
  5. Prize Draw – Friday, 3.45pm. Prize to the value of £5000 which includes a ‘mastermind group’ place!
20
Jun

10 Lessons Learned for Leadership Success

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From the pages of Harvard Business Review to the TV studios of The Apprentice, many people have a view of what is key to success for leaders based upon lesson they have learned.

Here are my top ten, gleaned from my coaching clients, friends and colleagues in leadership and my own experience.

    1. Success begins with a sense of PURPOSE
    2. Be ENTHUSIASTIC
    3. BELIEVE in you  – your skills, strengths and your dreams
    4. BE READY and accepting of change
    5. TAKE the step – Just do it
    6. STAND up and speak up
    7. BE TRUE to yourself
    8. Decide your DESTINATION but its all about the JOURNEY
    9. Create energy in your tool kit – ENERGY of mind, body and spirit.
    10. Have FAITH and EXPECT success.
22
May

Presence: Own the Room

iStock_000012998467MediumPresence and gravitas are essential aspects of leadership and can became second nature through developing a set of skills, beliefs and attitudes.  This process however, can be  a little more complicated for women.  At all levels as women progress in their career, seek to break through glass ceiling, and establish their credibility as leaders they are likely to experience more scrutiny or at times are overlooked all together.

We are hosting a one day seminar focusing on behaviour for influence and developing a confident authentic, powerful signature ‘Presence’ for women leaders and business owners: Confident You, Confident Presence

This dynamic and interactive seminar is specifically designed to empower you in creating a ‘Confident Presence’ for your personal and professional success. It is the ability to connect and to communicate to another in a powerful and meaningful way that gives someone a strong ‘Presence’.

“If you think you’re too small to make an impact – try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.” 
– Anita Roddick

Join us if you want to:

  • Discover and learn influencing skills to ‘own the room…you want to stand above the parapet.
  • Renew your vision and sense of purpose.
  • Explore your own level of confidence and will know how to develop it.

What you’ll gain:

  • Recognise, unlock and build on inner strengths to develop a confident, authentic and ’signature’ Presence.
  • Learn how to create the impact you desire and how to enhance your influence.
  • Develop the courage and self-belief to take action and make a difference.
  • Build and develop your confidence.
  • Develop a signature presence where
    • You get attention from the people around you without apparently trying.
    • Others respond with enthusiasm and passion.
    • Your views are often quoted.
    • People want to know what you think.
    • You are talked about though always with respect.

Expect to be inspired, to learn and gain insights. And when you apply your learning and take action you will see big changes taking place within two or three months.  You will be amazed at how much more confident you have become and how you ‘own the room’.

When: Tuesday 14 June 2011, 10am – 5.00pm
Where: Elysee Restaurant and Roof Garden, 13 Percy St, London, W1T 1DT

Register Now

Follow: @own_the_room, @kamaka_women for updates and connect to other confident women who ‘own the room’.

‘You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.’
Eleanor Roosevelt

13
May

Presence: How Emotionally Intelligent are you?

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Emotional intelligence is a crucial part of presence and charisma. Understanding yourself and seeking to understand others and the ability to sense how others feel enables you to communicate more effectively. It will inspire loyalty and confidence.

So begin, with self-awareness and understanding what make you tick. Awareness of emotions and the ability to manage moods are key skills for charismatic individuals. Take the time to explore your self-awareness and ultimately become more emotionally intelligent. The more self-aware you are, the more control you have over your life.  Take 20 minutes (each day if you can) in quiet contemplation and focus on you.

Ten questions to ask yourself:

  1. Who are you, who do you need to become and how do you want to develop?
  2. Do you feel capable of achieving anything you set you mind to?
  3. How did you feel and respond when you last received a compliment?  Pleased? Apologetic? Self-effacing?
  4. How competent do you feel about your skills and talents in business, work, career?
  5. How successful do you feel?
  6. Do you set yourself goals? Do you feel confident in achieving them?
  7. Are you living the way you want?
  8. Do you feel in control of you destiny?
  9. Do you feel good about yourself?
  10. In general are you happy?

Take Action: Look at yourself in the mirror.  Are you proud of what you see?  If the answer is no, write down what you would have to do or become in order to be proud of yourself.

‘Knowing others is intelligence.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength
Mastering yourself is true power.’

(Lao Tsu)

6
May

Presence: Have you got it?

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You get attention from the people around you without apparently trying.
Others respond with enthusiasm and passion.
Your views are often quoted.
People want to know what you think.
You are talked about though always with respect…

What have you got? …

Presence

I’m sure we can all name people with a certain presence and charisma whether they create a positive impact on people or not. Ghandi, Beyonce, Tony Blair (like it or not), Michelle Obama, Simon Cowell, Jose Marinhio (for the football followers) or Mr Tumble (for those of you with pre-schoolers) to name but a few.

Presence and is a connection that creates a strong powerful influence.  It’s an essential element of management and leadership for both men and women but needs to be authentic at the core. It cannot be faked, but it can be enhanced and developed. So how do you develop as a leader with presence and come out of the shadows. I’ve collated a series of tips, questions and actions to help you on your way to an authentic presence.

Tip 1: Dare to dream

Leaders with presence and charisma are individuals with a sense of purpose.  A purpose that drives them and is beyond their own gain. This purpose gives you focus and is the the one overarching goal you have at any one time, that will have the greatest impact enabling you to achieve more of your other goals.

Ask yourself this question and take action.

Question: What one thing would you dare to dream if you knew you could not fail?

This question helps you consider your why? And helps you to determine and connect to a higher purpose.

Action: Determine and write down your major definite purpose.  Your most important goal.  It needs to be clear, something you actually want, believable, achievable and congruent with your values, beliefs and your other goals can be aligned to it.

Do something every day that moves you at least one step towards your most important and definite goal.

“I am here for a purpose, and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand.  Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all, and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.” – Og Mandino

26
Apr

People who lack confidence always underachieve

Stand out and be noticed

Confidence influences all areas of your life and a  healthy self-image and  belief in yourself is the greatest asset you can have.  People who lack confidence and self-belief always underachieve.  They are less willing to try something new, less likely to be realise their potential and to be their best self.  Sound familiar?

I believe confidence is crucial to a happy and fulfilled life.

Professor Abraham Maslow said,
” If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.  You’ll be evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities.”

Strong stuff, but you can become more confident and be the person who fulfills their potential.   It doesn’t matter at what point you are starting from. What matters is that it is never too late to be the confident person you want to be.

Consider two numbers.

The first, how confident are you?  Rate yourself out of ten where ten means that you can achieve absolutely anything, no barriers, no obstacles. And zero means , you simply cannot see yourself getting very far and you feel incapable. Reflect on the ‘number’ you have given yourself.

Now consider, what you could achieve and how you would feel if you were more confident?  - this is your second number – how high would you like you confidence to be?

You now have your two numbers, your ‘confidence scale’ for this time in your life. So how how are you going to get from your first number, where you are now, to where you want to be fulfilling your potential, your second number?

Here are 3 actions that work and will move you towards greater confidence.

  1. Remind yourself: Think of the last time you achieved something you were proud of.  Now list all the qualities and strengths you demonstrated.  Remind yourself, you are capable of far more than you think.
  2. Create a Confidence Journal – Use this journal to remind yourself of positive truths, affirmations and compliments about you.  Record inspiring ideas, thoughts and confidence boosters quotes.
  3. Set the goal. What would you dare to dream if you had total confidence and knew you could not fail?   Make a list of ten goals you’d like achieve over the next few months.  Choose the one that would have the greatest impact on your life and truly reflect your increased confidence?  How will you know you have achieved this goal?  Now write down the goal so it is specific. Make it clear and measurable with a timescale.

Goals in writing are dreams with deadlines. - Brian Tracy

So now its up to you.  You have the power to become more confident.

Add this affirmation to your confidence journal, “ I am responsible – its up to me, I am responsible for everything I do and I choose to be confident.”

For more tips please see my blog post ‘ Women and the confidence thing – Part 3: Building your Confidence’

8
Feb

Women and the confidence thing – Part 3: Building your Confidence

blog-2There is sufficient reason to believe that many women doubt themselves and can be hard on themselves particularly in male dominated industries.
Self doubt, the lack self-confidence, and ‘impostor’ feelings undermine the potential to succeed and to become an influential leader with presence.

“When a man cuts himself, he throws away the razor.  When a woman cuts herself, she blames herself.” – Gail Koff (Smith D. (2000) Women at work: Leadership for the next century. Prentice Hall)

The good news is that lack of self-confidence does not however, equate to lack in leadership skills and potential and through support, coaching and a shift in thinking, confidence can be developed and acquired as with any other leadership competence area.  This one issue should not prevent women from achieving their leadership success.

Here are 10 coaching tips… towards a more confident you.  Choose one or two to begin working on, then come back for more:

  1. Remind yourself of when you achieved something who were really quite proud of.  Can you remember how that felt, what you were doing, who spoke with you and what you were thinking about yourself. Consider the skills you demonstrated, the resources you found within yourself – now list them.  But list them with as a phrase beginning with ‘I am’…for example, you won a big contract, and found your were excellent at negotiations.  Record this skills as “ I am influential.”  And so forth.  whatever you think you can do, you are probably right! (Henry Ford)
  2. Visualisation: Imagine the confident you – create firstly a mental picture and then short film of yourself as the confidence individual, business leader you perhaps have doubted.  Are you the charismatic, elegant business women who is an expert in her field – visual yourself giving a presentation or making that important telephone call.  How do you feel, what are your thinking? How do you look? Do you ‘own’ the room as you enter? What behaviours and characteristics are you demonstrating to warrant you success?
  3. Spend time with approachable, pleasant, charming confident people- it rubs off.
  4. Carry yourself with confidence – stand stall, be aware of your posture and walk with your weight firm in each step
  5. When meeting someone for the first time, offer the handshake first and  use your full name.  Be authentic, you may feel you want to demonstrate warmth at the meeting – place you hand on top of their right hand briefly as it shakes yours.  Create a rapport.
  6. Keep a journal of your achievements, and your successes, testimonials, thank you notes.  Read and review particular when you find yourself doubting yourself.
  7. When you are played a compliment – respond with eye contact and a ‘thank you’ – Avoid downplaying what you have achieved,or your efforts.
  8. Tell yourself you are confident – and say like you mean it.  Remember, ” I like myself, I like myself.”  Now add other powerful affirmations: “I am confident and I am loving it”
  9. Avoid using qualifiers or using inflections at the end of sentences.  It will appear that you doubt yourself and others will also doubt what you say.
  10. Talk back to your fearful voice in your head.  Create a new more empowered message.  You are not powerless, give yourself permission to be you, powerful and confident.

“If you hear a voice within in you say “you cannot paint”,then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent Van Googh